Mr Roy loses his love Chirpy Bose to Paul Oktopus

Mr Roy is dejected and a feeling of helplessness has taken over his luminous personality. His glowing eyes are pale; teeth needs an immediate polishing session at Dr Prashant Rao Bhatodekar, the dentist. He is no more the animated man thumping his belly whenever he comes up with some secretive news. He infact no more comes up with any secretive news except price hike plans by cement companies and fare hike plans by airlines.

What is spelling doom for the rising star of Indian financial journalism? The shameful exit of Argentina that too beaten convincingly by no team other than Germany. Yes the loss of Argentina has given him the shock of his life. After the irritation with Vuvuzela last week, Roy saw his favourite team crashing to a 4-0 defeat.

Roy’s girlfriend Chirpy, who dislikes football, had booked two seats at a posh Bandra club just to give his lover a sense of joy when the Argentine players would have taken off their shirts after thrashing Germany. But destiny and Paul, the Oktopus had other plans. Shit happened and Roy had to handle it. And the sad thing is that he is handling it alone. Why?

Well Chirpy has left Roy for the Oktopus. Not quite literally but it happened. Chirpy who is studying psychology at a Chembur institute is an avid animal lover. Her name itself was comes from an animal function. Chirping or twittering of birds. Since her childhood the cute roly-poly girl would talk incessantly in a birdy manner whether any one listens or not. And so the name Chirpy.

Roy was the only one who would listen to her like an old quiet lazy rooster and that was the point of her attraction for Mr Roy. But after Argentina lost Roy also lost his temper and the first incomplete sentence he murmured was, “kill that Paul Oktopus.”

That’s was it. Chirpy also lost it and slapped Mr Roy in front all the Argentina fans. Chirpy cried and said you and Argentina deserved it. You guys have been talking of killing and frying that poor voiceless animal throughout the match. Paul eto cute. It’s poetic justice. You all are products of shameless capitalism. You talk about ideas, wear Che Guevara t-shirts and hail Argentina. May I know the reason?

Do you have any idea of what is happening to the globe? Climate change, greenhouse gas emission, endangered tigers only 1411 left in India and not to speak of shrinking marine animal pool. Poor Paul may not be there tomorrow because of you men. You all are the same always think of war, killing etc. This chirpy is not your game Mr Roy, you crouching tiger in the disguise of a rooster. I abhor you and declare my relationship with you null and void from this very moment.

I have added Paul Oktopus to my Facebook friends list and he has accepted it. I will rather romance an intelligent creature like him. We will play FarmVille, we will build barns and houses that will adopt cute little animals and not dirty old roosters like you. Chirpy ended her twittering while Roy was yawning and wiping his (-10) powered thick glasses.

Now Roy realized Chirpy Bose has made enough of a scene and the whole Argentina fan club has forgotten the loss of their team and is making fun of him in hushed tones.

Roy in his inimitable style stood up put his hands on his t-shirt just over the eyes of Che Guevara printed on it and said. “See I stand for what I think and don’t bring Che into your Octopus love. And as much biology I remember let me tell you, ‘These Octopuses are invertebrates, shapeless, boneless.’ They are just the kind of men you hate the most.”

Roy despite his immediate disaster management speech actually lost two things in life. His love for football and Chirpy, his cute little bird.

Roy hates everyone these days and doesn’t catch anyone on Gmail chat. He doesn’t have a status message anymore after he removed, ‘Waka waka tis time for Argentina’ last Saturday.

I have been trying to help him coping with the disaster. I found a nervous Roy checking Chirpy's profile everyday on Facebook to find out if she has changed her relationship status from single to be with Paul Oktopus.

I asked Roy what is the future plan action. Roy said, "I will create a group in Facebook called - If 1 million people join this Facebook will remove Paul Oktopus's profile."

I just checked and found one group with the bizarre name of '101 Ways to kill Oktopus Paul / 101 Reasons We hate Oktopus Paul'
What's happening? Who's playing the ball those men or the Octopus?
Photo courtesy: Google image search and funnylifeblog

Computer in Allahabad

My first brush with computers was in Allahabad, during the first year of my graduation in the late 90s. The exposure to a giant, greasy pale yellow machine at that time seemed to be a delight.
At the agriculture university where most classes discussed lifecycle of crops, primary constituents of milk or best practices of feeding piglets, computer classes were like a picnic.
The powerful moving visuals, air-conditioned ambience and the excitement of checking your Yahoo mail in the lone desktop powered by mostly dysfunctional dial-up connection, it was fun.
Most of us never got more than a few minutes to touch the black, almost broken key boards, but it was pleasure anyways. The computer session also saw the unlikely pairing of people who were desperate to share a computer overcoming all earthly distinctness.
Like the always fighting conservative Malayali Christian boy and equally conservative Bihari Brahmin, the sophisticated chiffon clad Lucknowi girl and the rustic paan chewing Jaunpuri boy.
Years of differentiation, cultural egos and heartfelt irritation melted for a short while every Saturday at 12 P.M Indian Standard Time, when the computer classes began. The vivid memories of the computer classes come back as I discover more of my graduation tribe on the Facebook or Twitter.

The Lonely White Horse

The Lonely White Horse, my latest acrylic-on-canvas work is a portrayal of the peaceful Indian security personnel. He may be from any section of the Indian security apparatus, always smiling, judicious with power and protector of the sovereignty of the large sub-continent. But almost complete absence of political leadership has converted him into a sitting duck. The enemy of the country like the blood thirsty red horse is engulfing him from all the sides – north, west, east, south - and even within the country. Salute to the bravery and spirit of such a white horse. But will he find a good leader who is as concerned about the country’s security and autonomy as him?
(Disclaimer: I have learnt my horse patterns from MF Hussain's horse paintings.)

Batak Mian's story must be told

Batak Mian’s story must be told to every Indian. Despite the unfamiliarity of the name, the absence of his story in India’s history, Batak Mian cannot be ignored. One Indian mainstream news paper recently took the pain to digging out and publishing the story of this extra-ordinary Indian, without whom India’s independence might not have been possible.

The story goes back to 1917 British India. Mahatma Gandhi was visiting Bihar’s Champaran district where he started his career India’s politics, supporting the cause of the local indigo planters.

Batak Mian was serving as a cook with a British indigo plantation manager who apparently instructed him to offer Mahatma poisoned milk. Mian disclosed the plot in front of Mahatma and Rajendra Prasad, who became the first President of an independent India later. Result Mahtma’s life saved and the rest is history as we all know.

I understand the story sounds loose and slightly heroic. Even as an objective writer I find despite the folklore involved in glorifying Batak Mia’s role, it’s worth remembering. And at least his grand children shouldn’t earn their wages as daily labourers.
Here is a link to the original story http://www.hindustantimes.com/Family-of-Mahatma-s-saviour-in-dire-straits/H1-Article1-500334.aspx

Why good people suffer?

Last week I was asking myself a question. A question that has stayed with me since my childhood but rises to my conscience on certain occasions leaving me bewildered.
The question is –“Why good people suffer?”
And I know no one has a satisfying answer.
It’s both difficult and dangerous to be good. Being good gives us simplistic happiness, honesty of purpose etc. But it needs courage to remain good.
I have seen people who practice good going to jail, losing in relationship at workplace, money and health wise. Though not all of them, but many of the good suffer. So do many of the bad.
But the problem is both good and bad exist. And the fine things in life come to both of them irrespective of their purpose in life.
Picture this: A teenager like Ruchika who lost her mother as a kid was harassed by a senior police officer and saw her family being harassed for years. While the police officer who has got everything in life does this act and has woman, his wife, to protect him all the way.
How could one justify this situation? Nothing asking from the government or judiciary....asking God if such a situation exists. Then why?
Ruchika never had the option to enjoy life while this old man has lived his life to the fullest. Even if the case progresses against the alleged culprit and he’s convicted punished. How much harm will it do to him?

Ruchika’s story is just a case point there are many such instances where injustice is inflicted upon the good. And we have never found an answer why?

Noble piracy or guilty pleasure: The case of Ram and Bhagwanji

This morning a friend of mine asked me if I have watched 3 Idiots, the Hindi movie. I said yes on my computer using a pirated DVD borrowed from someone. She was aghast to discover this part of me. “Not you.” Never expected something like this from you, she said. I was rather confused realising how I was unknowingly acknowledging something so unlawful, almost criminal! I’m supposed to be the sensitive, morally responsible, law abiding, patriotic individual. Someone, who’s not even travelled a single day without ticket in the local trains, someone who has never dared to disrupt the discipline in his workplace, school or college, even if no one is watching.

Yet someone like me buys roadside cheap novels photocopied from the licensed book and pirated DVDs without any signs of doing anything wrong.

Is it a systemic problem in India that discounts piracy as something criminal though the law says so? May be? Am I embarrassed? Don’t know, but I have a logical reasoning why piracy is thriving without people noticing the criminal side as if it’s a genetic disorder.

Picture this: Ram Chander Tiwari, the sixth son of landless Pujari somewhere in eastern Uttar Pradesh. Ram is the most brilliant student in the local school but rarely goes to school thanks to the poverty that has forced him to work at the local Halwai, (sweet-meat maker). The sixteen-year-old manages to borrow some book or the other from the Halwai’s lousy son and manages to appear in class ten examinations. Comes out as a topper and easily gets admitted in the best college in Allahabad city. He toils hard even to pay his fees and travel expenses, which is less than 10 US dollars annually. In the meantime Ram’s father dies and three brothers leave for brick kilns and live on their own.

Now Ram has to earn for his family while helping her mother to get her two elder sisters married. Ram does very well again, joins medical and gets a scholarship, most of which he sends home while eating one time and not joining the hostel mess. Ram works as a salesman with a bookshop as well.

Now medical books are expensive. Ram with no money to spend on his food and clothes, goes to the book shop owner Bhagwanji, a generous man. Bhagwanji gets him photocopies of most expensive books and even provides coloured copies whenever they are needed to explain a medical case. So the books which would have cost 20,000 rupees come at 400 rupees, even that is bought by Ram’s friends who share it with him.

Ram struggles for almost a decade becomes a surgeon and later a civil servant. Even now he visits Bhagwanji, who also helped him in providing access to pirated IAS study material.

One morning Bhagwanji gets a heart stroke. Someone informs Ram, then the collector of the district. When Ram reaches the small local hospital he was greeted by the chief secretary of the state. “Sir, How come you are here?” The chief said guy I would not have been what I’m today had Bhagwanji not been there. Slowly in the crowd Ram discovered hoards of civil servants, doctors and scientists making a cue to show their presence to an ailing Bhagwanji.

Bhagwanji did piracy work for a righteous cause. He did the work of Bharat Nirman, which may be rated as good as the total contribution of India’s education ministry.

No doubt he cheated the authors, publishers and breached the law, but he made an underprivileged India reach the power corridors and write policy for the country.
May be we can call it ‘noble piracy’.

Everyone must not have solved the same dignified purpose with their piracy skills in India, but they did their bit to feed, enlighten and entertain an impoverished India.

Millions of Indians with whom money has not been kind also dream to study, wear, eat and entertain themselves. They can't pay the monopolistic giants of food, water, education and entertainment a fee for this.

The stale Dabeli infront of a MacDonald, contaminated flavoured water, pirated books and DVD keeps them abreast of a changing India. The one which they want to become a part of. May this bit of piracy keep help India to tick the unreachable 10 percent plus GDP growth?

This is an age where information is power and facilitator of equality the faster it spreads the better its for the country.

May be I can afford the spend 250 rupees for a three hour show of 3 Idiots, but not many like Ram Chander Tiwari. For me piracy is ‘guilty pleasure,’ for them it’s ‘Bhagwanji’s treasure.’

Orissa, mining, marriage and smartphone

On an early December evening two news agency journalists and an investment banker were travelling in a crowded intercity train into the mining and industrial belt of Orissa. The three hour journey seemed longer than usual.

It was pronounced winter, cramped train coaches and jostling of people from all walks of life - executives, government employees, fruit/chat vendors and daily labourers – catching the last train to the mining hinterland of Orissa. The three from Mumbai were on a their way to a journalist friend’s wedding in Angul, industrial capital and the most centrally located city of Orissa.

The immobility inside the train forced them to converse relentlessly in order to evade the drudgery of the small yet tough journey. Topics discussed varied from whether to sell gold just when it has hit the peak to the charisma of Obama that was worthy a Nobel. Heated arguments followed and the intellectual cells of the brain were stimulated.

The concentrated intellectuality was also lightened by some talk of women, i-pod and twitter, but it couldn’t beat the pursuit of talking about money and economy. The three realised they despite there humble background were talking something incomprehensible to their fellow passengers, who were dumbfounded.

The three realised exposure to metro-life and education has already created a water tight compartment between them and their own people who are pressed against them in this cramped coach, who speak their own language and about their own region.

A quick realisation was enough to stop the discussion about stock market, 8 percent growing economy, mergers/acquisitions, investment banker fees and switchover to local issues. The three spoke to their co-passengers in Oriya about the best trains in the route, new industrial development coming up in their neighbourhood and how is the government paying after the sixth pay commission report was implemented. It was relaxing to all of them.

The three finally reached their friend’s wedding reception and joined the celebration dinner. Here they were surrounded by locals, many of them related to the the hundreds of small and large neighourhood industries.

They overheard two of them talking in distress about China’s pressure tactics about lowering the offer price of some commodity.

One of them soon recalled a coverpage story he did about black gold (iron ore) and China some years ago. The three soon discussed how thousands of small time exporters have turned rich overnight by exporting minerals primarily iron ore from Orissa to China, world’s biggest steelmaker. However, with insatiable demand and import monopoly Chinese authorities are deciding prices in the past few months.

While chatting over Orissa's mineral policy and unknowingly meandering through the large open air banquet space the three spotted the glowing faces of the bride and groom which reminded them of their own families.

The gorgeous pink designer lehnga and neatly tailored western suit was making the couple look like one of those from the Shahrukh Khan starring Bollywood movies. Both of them were sitting on two large princely chairs, ususal in most Indian weddings.

At the entry of the marriage hall there was red ticker going on intermttently --Devidutta Weds Purabi-- all in capital letters. The guys joked, it looked a ticker on a television set or a news platform.

The groom, a telecom reporter and the bride, an engineer were trying to hold eachothers' hands in the absence of few attentive eyes but had to soon stay away from eachothers like a playful couple in a garden.

The groom, 48 hours ago on his wedding day amused everyone by his typing skills on the his smartphone. The instrument was in his hands even as he was tying knots with the bride. Whether it’s his affiliation to technology or effort to update his status on Facebook, the invasiveness of the tech revolution was loud and clear.

The bride also earned some reputation 48 hours ago by beating hands-down the technosavvy groom in a thousand-year-old game of finding the cowdy. The groom complained about the sharp nails of the bride going against him.

The three idiots had a nice wedding experience afterall.

(all characters here are fictitious and don't bear any resemblance with anyone living or dead)